A Simple Longing for Home
I have always had a longing for the stars. More so now that one of those faint little pricks in the night sky belongs to me, and I long for Earth, long to return home to the beaches of my youth, where the water laps at the sand like a young boy laps at the girls he desires. Truth is, I don’t long for Earth itself as much as I ache for a certain time. A time of youth, of friends and family. The clear truth is, I have been gone far too long and those times have passed, the people long in their native Earth. Even my old and good friend, Leonard. Leonard, my beer drinking, skirt chasing old buddy, who was there when this life began. I wonder how he fared in the aftermath, I hope well, but I doubt it for he didn’t have an answer, of that I’m sure.
We were, after all, nothing but kids sitting in an old piece of shit truck that started hard and drove leaning to the right when this new life started. Like every other kid, we had our spot. A small, secluded, sandy beach where we escaped to drink, to skinny dip and plan our future lives. Paradise, often till the sun rose washing our nights dream in the golden morning light of possibilities. But not that moonless Friday night.
That night, we sat alone, after all the other old and rusted kiddie cars of our youth had left. Facing out, over the quiet lake, parked on the high crest of the beach, we sat in silence for the most part. The quiet draw of a cigarette, the pop of a beer can, the sound of a window being adjusted were minimal when paired against Deep Purple or Zepplan. Silence because we were mourning, the loss of a friend in a horrible accident, the loss of summer and the loss of our youth.
Leonard saw it first with a simple, ‘What the fuck!’ in a manner that caused more concern than curiosity. That concern was cause to look to my friend and not out, above and over the lake. That split instant made no difference, it would not have changed anything and I have often wondered if I could have done anything to change what was about to happen. The answer, as I have learned, is no. They were waiting, for me.
My mom should have just thrown her newborn out on that sandy beach and been done with it. Woulda been easier on them too, because that short time I had was just enough time, for me to want it all back. That changed everything. Truth is, no one knows much till after the fact, just as true now as it was then.- delete
My mom should have just thrown me out on the beach the minute I was born. In a strange way, it would have been easier, on everybody. See, the thing is, the eighteen years I had was just enough for me to want it all back. All and more, I not only wanted what I had had, but I wanted what was due me, a life, a human life. I guess it’s just as true now as then, most don’t realize much of what truth is, till after the fact.
The minute I woke up in that large comfortable bed, swaddled like a newborn in cloth and cotton, I knew. Something strange was happening, some thing that was not supposed to be and yet, here I was in a king sized, soft bed that as I sat up, I noticed took up most of the damn room. Above the strange wooden headboard, a small rectangular window, opposite my feet, built in shelving and to the right of the empty shelving, an open entry. To my immediate left, a wall and to my right was just enough passage to get out of bed and walk toward the doorway. And all around, floor and ceiling alike, a muted color of strange metallic white, a dislikable white.
I felt refreshed, renewed, rejuvenated but the sense of uncertainty and a deep foreboding of events tangled my thoughts. I was not where I expected to be and I fought any acceptance to prove otherwise. I washed my face with a dry open palm and tossed the covers aside and rose upright, setting in the bed, staring. Abruptly, I stood with my feet sinking in the soft folds of the mattress and stood to look out the window, and in that instant, I knew everything was and would be forever different. My eyes opened wide as I took in the sight, a view of beauty and wonder, and of personal, unabridged fear. For I was high and the sky night, and out toward the horizon unfolded a city as no human could ever have imagined. Towering spirals, floating clouds of small and large, strange structures, lights and moving vehicles all as far as my eye could imagine, a world, an inhuman world, and all I could do was stare in disbelief and wonder where the hell I was.
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